Monday, September 15

Milestone

Last month, I hit a milestone in my life. The biggest one I've hit yet.

I turned 30.

Tuesday, August 27

My Trust Is In...

My trust is in God.

Not drugs. Not doctors. Not my own faith or prayers. Not the faith or prayers of anyone I know. Not in anyone's ideas or knowledge.

God. Jesus. The Holy Spirit.

The only ones I trust.

Friday, May 31

There Is No "Try And"

Okay now I'm going to attempt to fix the grammar of the world. At least, the English speaking part. Mainly America. I'm not so prideful as to think I could fix the grammar of other languages. And the Brits and the Aussies are on their own.

Cease the "try and" people. Desist. It is grammatically incorrect and annoying.

Let me explain. I often hear and/or read a sentence similar to the following: "I'll try and go tonight but I'm not sure I can." Or, "He should try and do it like I told him to in the first place."

Ugh. I feel gross just writing that. I actually had some difficulty forming those sentences. Do you see the error here?

Try to go.

Try to do.

There is no either here. No conjunction. (Conjunction junction! What's your function?)

I'll prove my point with a little bit of logic and a whole lot of thesaurus-ing.
"I'll try and go tonight but I'm not sure I can."
"I'll try in addition to go tonight but I'm not sure I can." Nope.
"I'll try plus go tonight but I'm not sure I can." Wrong.
"I'll try as well as go tonight but I'm not sure I can." Definitely not.
Now if I change out the word "try"...
"I'll endeavor and go tonight but I'm not sure I can." Uh huh.
"I'll strive and go tonight but I'm not sure I can."  No.
"I'll attempt and go tonight but I'm not sure I can." I don't think so, Tim.
See what I'm getting at? Let's see what a little "to" will do...
"I'll endeavor to go tonight but I'm not sure I can." Yes!
 "I'll strive to go tonight but I'm not sure I can." Woohoo!
"I'll attempt to go tonight but I'm not sure I can." Right again, kemosabe!
Therefore:
"I'll try to go tonight but I'm not sure I can." 
See how much better this is? See my point? Just admit it, I'm right.

Wednesday, May 29

More Honesty

In my quest to get back in the swing of blogging, I didn't want to break my nearly four months' absence with anything too deep or serious. I wanted to be funny and random and sarcastic.

Yet, I knew I needed to write out what I wrote last night. Somehow, I just knew that if I wrote out the nasty thoughts in my head, and then asked God to speak, He would. That if I got them out of my head, where I could see them with my eyes, God would reveal to me just how wrong those thoughts are, and His truth would shine through.

And He did. 

He's still speaking.

I wanted to come back today and fix the grammar of the world. (I have high expectations.)

But as I drove home from church tonight, I knew I needed to do a little bit of followup. 

Though I never said the word yesterday, the overwhelming emotion I felt was rejection.

Reject.

Such an ugly word. But that's how I felt. For a very long time. I'm not sure where it started, but I tell you with a heart full of joy that tonight, it ended.

I am not a reject.

When I looked back at my past, this false emotion had tainted everything. Feeling rejected, I viewed every action of everyone else as rejection. I thought myself a reject. And so, I sought to avoid rejection. I rejected first or held back my true heart or simply ignored everyone. And when others were off put by my aloofness or whatever, they did not reject me, per se, but I saw rejection. Thus the cycle continued. Don't put yourself out there, because you'll only be hurt.

When I tried to break the cycle on my own, put myself out there for the first time in a long time, if not the first time ever, the pressure of this rejection belief built up to the breaking point. One small sentence in a text sent me reeling.

Rejected.

But I wasn't rejected. Not really.

But those voices shouted out, "SEE?!? I TOLD YOU SO!!"

And God said, "What a bunch of crap."

Maybe He didn't use those words exactly. Maybe He did. That's definitely the attitude.

Tonight, I shared a small slice of this with some friends. I cried. I've done that a lot lately. But I think I'm about done crying over this.

You see, on my drive home, God spoke again.

"You are not a reject. You are chosen."

Now my analytical self could sit here and try to figure out exactly what He means. But, in my heart, I know that will not help. Rather, what I will do now is bask in my chosen-ness. I will be content with this. If you could see me now, you would not see any tears, but a happy, content, sleepy smile. I will trust in Him. I will rest in Him.

Dear readers, whoever you are, I encourage you, in your own moments of weakness or despair, ask God what He's trying to say to you. Whatever He says and however He says it, listen.

"For the Word of God is living and active..."

Active. Now. Here.

Listen.