New Wine

In the crushing, in the pressing
You are making new wine 
In the soil, I now surrender
You are breaking new ground 
So I yield to You and to Your careful hand
When I trust You I don't need to understand 
Make me Your vessel
Make me an offering
Make me whatever You want me to be 
I came here with nothing
But all You have given me
Jesus, bring new wine out of me 
'Cause where there is new wine
There is new power
There is new freedom
And the kingdom is here 
I lay down my old flames
To carry Your new fire today 
Songwriters: Brooke Fraser

This has been my favorite song lately. There's been a lot more pain in this season than I expected. But I've been dealing with it differently than in the past. Instead of doing my very best to avoid the pain, usually by shoving all emotion down until I'm beyond feeling, I've been embracing it. Not wallowing in it, but sitting at the wall, resting in my Father's arms, and waiting for it to pass.

A while back, while dealing with a pain I did not want to face, God put a picture in my mind. He showed me the pain was a wall in my life, but He didn't ask me to tear the wall down. All He asked was for me to sit there in front of it. In my mind, I saw myself sitting cross-legged in front of a brick wall, whose dimensions were just beyond my vision. I tried to see either side, knowing it had a beginning, an end, a limit, but I couldn't see it. If I tried to walk around it, it followed me. So I sat at it, facing it, and wearily leaned my head against it. Then I felt my Daddy God sitting there with me, completely enveloping me in His love.

I felt His heart hurting with me.

Let me tell you, I cried. A lot.

But then the tears abated, and I breathed again.
When I trust You I don't need to understand
Pain is guaranteed in this life. But I've found that taking every pain, from the biggest hurt to the tiny scratch, to my Father brings healing. Every time. Freedom like none other.


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